How do you know if your girlfriend is using you

Reading women can be really tricky. While she may have made you believe she’s really into you, she might as well just be using you for her own benefits. One day or the other, she’s going to show her true colours and it’s going to hurt real bad. You’re better off without selfish people in your life. Here are 15 signs she’s just not worth your time. Wake up, and walk off before you go too deep into her trap!

1. She calls you in the middle of the night if she needs you, but is somehow, always busy when you want someone to talk to.

2. She never seems eager to hang out with you usually, but if she’s getting bored, you’re the guy she calls up.

3. She expects you to listen to her problems patiently, but she never pays attention when you talk. She gets distracted easily, starts playing with her phone or changes the topic to something she wants to talk about.

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4. She takes you along to parties because she has nobody to go with but starts ignoring you the moment she meets her friends there. She never makes any effort to make you feel comfortable around her group of friends.

5. She conveniently assumes that you’re going to pay every time you two go out.

6. She takes advantage of your chivalry and asks you for favours all the time. You get her phone recharged, you accompany her shopping when her girl best friends are busy, you cover up for her when her parents call, you do her assignments too. You’re supposed to pick her up, drive her around and then drop her too. She literally lives off you. She’s basically made you her b*tch.

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7. She never returns your calls or replies to your texts, unless, it benefits her in some way of course. She is always ready with excuses like “Oh, I forgot” and “I’m so sorry, I was just replying to you but…” But she gets mad if you do the same.

8. She’s never apologetic for her mistakes, never. You can see it by the way she changes the situation by crying. It always ends up with you comforting her, even though she was at fault.

9. Even though she expects you to do everything a boyfriend does for his girlfriend, she refuses to acknowledge the relationship. She keeps reminding you that you’re ‘just friends’.

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10. She makes you cancel other plans for her and then inconsiderately bails out on you at the end moment. What’s worse is that she’s never even sorry for being so insensitive.

11. She uses you to make her boyfriend or her ex feel jealous. She’s surprisingly flirtatious with you in front of her friends and her ex. While it makes you feel good about yourself, you must know she’s just using you as a device for her own personal gains.

12. She’s always seeking your sympathy. It is almost like she is with you only to feel better about herself.

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13. She’s more interested in how much you learn, which company you work for, the kind of people you hang out with, the restaurants you go than who you are as a person.

14. Even though she hangs out with you all the time and makes it look like she’s interested, she has never introduced you to any of her friends as her boyfriend. 

15. She shows absolutely no interest in your life. It is only about her, all the freaking time.

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”Removing yourself from a situation where you are being mistreated starts with the belief that you deserve and will find a partner who offers respect and love. Being taken advantage of by someone who you care for can be devastating, but there is help available to cope with the many feelings that can be associated with distancing yourself from this painful situation." - Nicholas DeFazio, MRC, LPCC-S, LICDC

Whether you're dating someone brand new or you've been with her for a while, noticing that you are being used isn't always apparent, especially if you are with a woman. Unfortunately, this is often part of her plan, and it can make you not realize how you might be taken advantage of on many different levels. In this article, you will learn about some of the signs that she is using you to get out, hopefully before it's too late.

Her Personality Changes If She Wants Something

One of the easiest signs to tell that something isn't right in your relationship and that you are potentially being used is to notice the inconsistencies of how she interacts with you.

Is she friendly, outgoing, or even flirtatious when she needs a favor? Still, when it comes down to when you want to do something, like go on a date or be physically intimate, she seems disinterested or even repulsed? Again, this is a dead giveaway.

If you start picking up on this, ask yourself, "Is she into me, or is she just into what I have?" You probably have a lot to offer, but she is taking advantage of it without giving you any real appreciation.

She Makes You Pay For Everything

It can still be chivalrous to front the bill, especially if you're trying to make a good first impression, but it's sometimes considered an old-school mentality these days to require the guy to pick up the tab at dinner. Nowadays, it's becoming more commonplace to split it; after all, it's not a one-way street, and the date is about getting to know each other, not who pays.

Or so you thought. If you've been on a few dates or even have settled into a relationship with a woman, and she hasn't offered once to pay for you, she is probably trying to take advantage of your generosity.

Try asking her to see if she can get the bill this time, or pretend to forget your wallet at home the next time you go out. Take note of how she responds. If she gets upset, more than likely, she likes you for the free meals.

She Doesn't Pay Attention To You

Being Taken Advantage Can Happen To Anyone

When you're out and about with her or hanging out at home, does it ever feel like she's not listening to what you're saying despite her being next to her? Even if she responds, she's not giving what you're saying much thought at all.

Sure, it can be completely normal and subconscious to start to drown out what people are talking about, especially if it feels boring and long-winded and doesn't sustain your interest, but that's entirely different than what's going on here. The act of ignoring here is based on a general disinterest in the person.

Some ways to know she doesn't care about what you have to say is if she doesn't remember important details about you, such as your favorite hobbies and interests or when your birthday is. So even if she seems like she is listening to you, if she gives you vague answers without asking you questions or trying to engage you, what's meaningful to you isn't important to her - unless it benefits her.

She Only Wants Things Her Way

Building off the previous section, where your thoughts and feelings aren't heard, it might seem like it's the exact opposite for her if she is using you. Essentially, her concerns matter, but yours don't, and this self-absorption can be a sign of a real narcissist. [1]

Even if you offer to do something nice, like taking her to a classy restaurant or someplace fun, it will never be good enough, and she might even suggest an alternative. However, it's something much more expensive or too far away. She doesn't consider the gesture you've made, and if you decline her proposed solution, she might even get upset.

This is a way to control or manipulate you into getting what she wants, and compromising can feel near impossible. If you've been noticing this kind of behavior, and it's been making you unhappy, you should get out of the relationship unless you can lay down some rules and explicitly mention how it bothers you and it creates some positive change. If this irritates her, then you know your answer.

She Can't Be Serious With You.

This doesn't necessarily mean that she is always laughing and light-hearted; rather, it implies much bigger issues - she doesn't take you seriously or doesn't want to deal with any important issues surrounding the relationship.

For example, if you sit her down and discuss your feelings about how you think you're not being heard, and she nods her head and says, "uh-huh" "I see," or "yup," or other vague answers of that nature, or tries to make brief responses like "okay, I'll work on it," but never truly follows up, you are reaffirming your suspicions with her. Based on these answers, is she interested? Probably not.

She may also attempt to avoid the topic entirely and start shifting the focus elsewhere, even if you try to make an effort to get to know her and her friends and family. She isn't interested in having these kinds of conversations with you, no matter how serious or mundane they might be.

She Can't Take Responsibility

Related to the previous section about having serious talks with her, another good sign that you might be used to is if she doesn't take accountability for her actions. That goes for anything - nothing is ever her fault.

No one wants to be blamed or put on the spot for anything, so your approach to various problems in the relationship will be essential (i.e., calm but stern), but it's natural for people to become defensive in these kinds of situations.

However, no matter how much you try to minimize the negative reaction, she always tries to blame you or something else. She never admits that things are her fault and that she'll try to improve, and the commitment to do so is a significant part of being held accountable. [2] Importantly, if she doesn't even say sorry, that is an indicator, she doesn't value you or the relationship.

She Doesn't Introduce You To Her Friends As Her Boyfriend

Many women, at least the ones who are more extroverted, are ecstatic to bring their new boyfriend around their friends; it's usually only when there's something shady going on where they want to keep them a secret.

If, by chance, you do meet her friends, you are usually introduced as one as well and not as someone that she is seeing. This can also make her friends less suspicious if she decides to bring another person around - they won't ask things like, "weren't you dating someone else last week?".

She might even decide not to introduce you to them at all just so she can stay on the safe side, and no one will have a clue that she is using you.

She Is Seeing Someone Else But Keeps You Around

Being Taken Advantage Can Happen To Anyone

You don't need to be in a relationship with someone to be used by them; they might be with someone else entirely, yet they still want to have you on a leash. It is so stressful to always think how to tell if a girl has slept with a lot of guys

Maybe her current boyfriend or husband doesn't listen to her, and she wants you around so you can be an emotional "friend" or a shoulder to cry on. [3] Sometimes, it can end up being a full-on affair, and she comes to you mainly for sexual satisfaction. Either way, even if it's not as harsh as the other things on this list (it might even seem acceptable at first), you're still being used, and there's a good chance you won't win her over.

Why would you anyway? If she sees you behind her partner's back, that's not someone who can be trusted. She's probably using the other guy, too, for a completely different reason than you.

Conclusion

Being used by someone can be a hard pill to swallow; it can hurt your pride and self-esteem, make you less trusting of others, and, therefore, make you more reluctant to go out and meet other people.

If this list has helped you figure out if she is using you and decided to cut things off, but you are still struggling, help is available. ReGain's online counseling from licensed therapists can help rebuild your self-esteem and come out a much stronger individual.

These kinds of experiences can create a sense of anger, and they can also be heartbreaking as well if you've felt invested in a person who has been taking advantage of you. It's normal to feel upset and betrayed, but you will move on, especially with the right guidance.

Always remember that there will be greener pastures out there, and there is someone out there who won't use you and take your generosity and other good qualities for granted. So, for now, focus on yourself and do what you need to do to heal.

References

1. Seltzer, L. F. (2016, September 14). Can You Help a Narcissist Become Less Self-Absorbed? Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201609/can-you-help-narcissist-become-less-self-absorbed.
2. Bregman, P. (2016, January 20). The Right Way to Hold People Accountable. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-we-work/201601/the-right-way-hold-people-accountable.
3. Staik, A. (2013, July 22). 12 Warning Signs That It's Emotional Infidelity - And Not 'Just Friendship.' Retrieved from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2012/07/12-warning-signs-that-its-emotional-infidelity-and-not-just-friendship/.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):

How do you know if she is taking advantage of you?

People can take advantage of you emotionally, financially, or physically, among other ways. It isn’t easy to realize that you’re being taken advantage of by someone you once thought you could trust.  Obvious signs you’re being taken advantage of are only needed for your money, attention, or resources, and only when it’s convenient for the other person. You may be responsible for making all the plans, reaching out, and paying for everything. These types of one-sided relationships can be destructive and erode your trust in others. If the other person is only coming to you when they need something from you, it should make you question their true intentions.

How do you know if a girl is using you emotionally?

It can be tricky to tell the difference between just going through a hard time versus someone who is using you emotionally. To distinguish between the two types of people, try looking for patterns. Emotionally dependent people will often only come to you when things are going wrong in their lives. You may find yourself constantly having to comfort, calm down, or listen to a girl whenever they feel down. In fact, they may even seem to disappear when things are going well. Often, women are interested in partners who have the emotional capacity to have deep conversations and be there for them in times of distress. Still, there is definitely a line that can be crossed emotionally. Empaths are especially susceptible to being used emotionally as they can have trouble setting boundaries and saying no. If someone can’t bother to reach out to you when life is good, they probably don’t deserve your time and attention when life turns bad. Remind yourself that you’re human too and don’t have to be there every time someone needs you. Healthy people have multiple friends they can turn to when they need someone to talk with, not just one other person they are fully dependent on.

How do you know if a girl is serious about you?

If a girl is serious about you, they may talk a lot about the future, create long-term plans with you, and ask you deeper questions to grow intimacy. They may ask about your plans for children, a career, or where you might see yourself settling down. Above all, they will show genuine interest in getting to know you and give plenty of signs they’re here to stay. Some women are interested in a short-term fling, while others want a long-term commitment. You must be both on the same page about what you want. When one person wants to get serious and settle down, but the other is just looking for something fun, it can create problems in the relationship. If you find yourself constantly assessing whether your partner is actually interested in you, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. Please take into account your wants and needs as well as theirs.

How can you tell if a person is using you?

A person can use you for a variety of reasons and in various ways. They may be after your money, your friend group, or your attention. Obvious signs you’re being used are only being contacted when it’s convenient for the other person, feeling like someone wants you for their own personal gain, or having a one-sided relationship. Genuine people will like you for you, not for what you own. If they only seem interested in your things but not you as a person, it’s a red flag they’re using you. In one-sided relationships, you will find yourself giving and giving without receiving nearly as much effort in return. You may sacrifice your needs for theirs but find that they’re very selfish with their time, energy, and resources. Some people aren’t very self-aware, so sometimes, a gentle conversation can help them see how their behavior comes across. If the person shows no remorse or desire to change, their behavior was likely intentional.

How do you know you’re being taken advantage of?

There are some more obvious signs you’re being taken advantage of, as well as some discrete, less noticeable ones. If you spend all your time catering to a partner or friend’s every need, but they rarely return the favor, the relationship is only working to their advantage while neglecting your needs. You may find you’re the one who’s always initiating conversations and hanging out, that the other person is never there for you when you need them (but you’re always there for them), or that there is just a general lack of reciprocity. An important note to make is that you should try to keep your expectations realistic. For example, if you’re constantly giving someone elaborate gifts, realize that they may not have the money or resources to return the favor. They may be too embarrassed to say so. Trust your instincts, and if you’re unsure whether or not you’re being taken advantage of, try having a conversation with the other person to see if there may be a misunderstanding or miscommunication. True friends and genuinely interested partners will be quick to reassure you of the importance you have in their lives.

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