Harry & david pepper & onion relish

During her interview with Oprah Winfrey in March 2021, Meghan Markle shared with the world her struggles with suicidal thoughts. "I just didn't want to be alive anymore. And that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought," Meghan told Oprah. "I said that I needed to go somewhere to get help...And I was told that I couldn't, that it wouldn't be good for the institution."

In the Netflix docuseries Harry & Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex opens up further on her suicidal ideation. "It was like, 'All of this will stop if I'm not here,'" Meghan recalls. "And that was the scariest thing about it, is it was such clear thinking."

Prince Harry also shares his reaction to his wife's crisis. "I was devastated. I knew that she was struggling, we were both struggling, but I never thought that it would get to that stage, and the fact that it got to that stage, I felt angry and ashamed," Harry says.

He continues, "I didn't deal with it particularly well. I dealt with it as institutional Harry as opposed to husband Harry. And what took over my feelings was my royal role. I'd been trained to worry more about, 'What are people gonna think if we don't go to this event? We're gonna be late.' And looking back on it now, I hate myself for it."

Harry concludes, "What she needed from me was so much more than I was able to give."

Meghan's mom, Doria, also talks about that scary moment in her daughter's life. "I remember her telling me that she had wanted to take her own life, and that really broke my heart, because I knew that it was bad, but to just constantly be picked at by these vultures, just picking away at her spirit, that she would actually think of not wanting to be here," Doria shares. "That's not an easy one for a mom to hear, and I can't protect her. H can't protect her."

Recently, Meghan spoke plainly about why it was so important for her to share her mental health struggles.

"Look, I was really ashamed to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry especially, because I know how much loss he has suffered, but I knew that if I didn't say it, then I would do it. I just didn't want to be alive anymore," Meghan said at the Robert F. Kennedy Human Rights Ripple of Hope Gala.

She continued, "But ultimately, if you feel like there's someone else that has a lived experience. they've gotten to the other side, and gave an example of resilience, an example of 'there is a happy ending', I think that's what most people are probably seeking out in those moments. That's why I made the decision to just say 'if my experience can help someone else not feel the same way or to know that there's hope then it's worth every second of whatever comes with it.'"

If you or someone you know is at risk, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text HOME to 741741 to message with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free.

Emily Burack (she/her) is the news writer for Town & Country, where she covers entertainment, culture, the royals, and a range of other subjects. Before joining T&C, she was the deputy managing editor at Hey Alma, a Jewish culture site. Follow her @emburack on Twitter and Instagram. 

For Harry, this is that story at last.

With its raw, unflinching honesty, Spare is a landmark publication full of insight, revelation, self-examination, and hard-won wisdom about the eternal power of love over grief.

About the Author

Prince Harry, The Duke of Sussex, is a husband, father, humanitarian, military veteran, mental wellness advocate, and environmentalist. He resides in Santa Barbara, California, with his family and three dogs.

Prince Harry wishes to support British charities with donations from his proceeds from Spare. The Duke of Sussex has donated $1,500,000 to Sentebale, an organization he founded with Prince Seeiso in their mothers’ legacies, which supports vulnerable children and young people in Lesotho and Botswana affected by HIV/AIDS. Prince Harry will also donate to the non-profit organization WellChild in the amount of £300,000. WellChild, which he has been Royal patron of for fifteen years, makes it possible for children and young people with complex health needs to be cared for at home instead of hospital, wherever possible.

#PRINCEHARRYMEMOIR

Follow Random House for updates

English-language editions of Spare will be published in the UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, India, and South Africa by Transworld, an imprint of Penguin Random House UK, and in Canada by Random House Canada.

The book will also be published in translation in 15 additional languages, including: SPANISH Plaza & Janés/Penguin Random House Grupo Editorial, GERMAN Penguin Verlag/Penguin Random House Verlagsgruppe GmbH, PORTUGUESE BRAZIL Objetiva/Grupo Companhia das Letras, PORTUGUESE PORTUGAL Objectiva/Penguin Random House Grupo Editorial, SIMPLIFIED CHINESE Penguin Random House China, DANISH Politikens Forlag, DUTCH Hollands Diep, an imprint of Overamstel, FINNISH Otava Publishing Company Ltd., FRENCH Éditions Fayard, GREEK Pedio Books, HUNGARIAN Corvina Kiadó, ITALIAN Mondadori, POLISH Wydawnictwo Marginesy, ROMANIAN Nemira Publishing House, and SWEDISH Albert Bonniers Förlag.

How rich is Harry?

Is Harry a Prince or a Duke?

Did Prince Harry get a degree?

What is Harry and Meghan doing now?