Bucky barnes x reader he makes you cry

When All Falls Apart

A/N: This tore me up (in the best way). It also made me think of the scene in TFAWS when Bucky was in counseling. I freaking loved that scene. But anyway, thank you so much for the request and your kind words! I really appreciate it! I hope you enjoy and as always, feedback is appreciated :)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem! Reader

Warnings: angst/fluff, slight cursing

“And, Y/N, how does that make you feel?” 

Staring up at the old, rusting ceiling, you sigh. This isn’t the first time you’ve been asked that question and it will definitely not be the last. 

Wracking your brain for an answer, you don’t look back up until you know exactly what to say. “It makes me feel disconnected from him… like, I’m a part of his life, but only the part that involves me. Not his superhero, save the world part, which may I add is a pretty big part of him. I feel like we aren’t really connected. How am I supposed to be with someone who doesn’t let me in all the way?” 

The deafening silence from his side of the couch rings loud in your ear, even though there’s no noise. 

“I see,” Dr. Raynor, your therapist says, taking in everything you just said. She looks over at Bucky in question. “What do you think about that?” 

Bucky stares at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. “I don’t know what else to say about it, Doc.” He looks over at you, his eyes glazed over with exhaustion. “Y/N is the most important person in my life. If I let her into that part, then I put her life in danger. It’s that simple.” 

“How are we supposed to grow together if you won’t-”

“Y/N, you have to wait until it’s your turn to speak,” Dr. Raynor interrupts, shooting you a warning look. 

Rolling your eyes, you lean back into the couch and cross your arms over your chest. 

“We seem to be doing just fine,” Bucky says, focusing his attention on Raynor this time. 

“Of course you’d say that,” you mutter, picking lint off the couch with your fingernail. 

“Y/N!” Raynor says exasperatedly. 

“Sorry,” you say. Although, you really aren’t sorry. In reality, you’re actually very annoyed. Annoyed at the fact that this is your fifth couple’s therapy session and the two of you have made little to no progress on this subject because Bucky is stubborn and refuses to budge. 

“Let’s try something else,” Raynor suggests, writing down notes in her journal. 

“Another stargazing exercise?” you quip, chuckling to yourself. “Because we do plenty of that at home.” 

Bucky looks at you in shock at your cheeky comment and chuckles, leaning back against the armrest and grinning at you. 

“No, although thank you for the commentary, Y/N. I was actually thinking more of an exercise where the two of you list the qualities you love the most about each other, so we can bring it all back to the reason you’re together.” 

“This one should be easy,” Bucky says, rubbing his palms together. 

“I’m glad you think so, Bucky, because I want you to go first,” Raynor says, pen pressed to the paper, ready to jot down all of her observations. 

He turns so he’s fully facing you, his eyes staring deep into your soul. “I love that Y/N is so patient in loving me. I’m not the easiest to be with. I’m awful at letting people in, I suffer from severe PTSD, and I tend to ruin everything that’s good for me. But still, she loves me unconditionally. It’s all I could ever ask for.” 

Feeling a few tears build up in your eyes, you sniffle. “I’ll always love you, Buck. Nothing’s going to change that.” 

Raynor mutters to herself, before looking up at the two of you. “Good. This is good progress. Now, Y/N, it’s your turn.” 

Clearing your throat, you shift your attention back to Bucky, your hands planted firmly in your lap. “I love that Bucky tries his hardest for himself and me. He’s been through so much and yet, he still manages to find the good in things. He’s sweet and caring to a world that hasn’t treated him the best in the past. He’s incredible and he doesn’t even see it.”

Bucky reaches out to grab your hand, holding it tightly in his grip. “Thank you, doll.” 

You give his hand a squeeze. “Of course, Buck. I meant every word.” 

Raynor clears her throat, interrupting the moment between you. “You both clearly have no problem with understanding why you love each other. You’re just going through a rough patch. This lack of involvement is dividing you both.”

Remembering why you’re here in the first place, thanks to her, you scoff. “There’s no lack of involvement on my part. Bucky knows everything about me. I’m transparent when it comes to him.” 

Shaking his head, Bucky chuckles angrily. “Yeah? Well, your life doesn’t revolve around protecting the world from bad people. People I’d rather you not get caught up with.” 

“I can protect myself!” you yell, frustrated to no end. 

“Not against the ones we fight!” Bucky yells back. “You’re human!” 

“And, what the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

Raynor butts in, trying to de-escalate the situation. “Okay, let’s take it down-”

“That you’d be no match against them. They’d hurt you and I’d never forgive myself for letting it happen!” Bucky yells, cutting Raynor off. 

“Oh okay, so now I’m weak? So, what? Every single time you’ve told me I’m the strongest person you know, you lied?” Standing up, you point your finger at him. “I can handle being a part of your world! You just don’t trust me enough!” 

“Y/N!” Raynor yells, finally catching your attention. 

“It’s fine,” you say. “Session’s over. It’s always the same shit anyway.” 

Stomping over to the door, you glance back at Bucky once more. 

“I’ll see you at home.” You open the door and slam it behind you, effectively ending the conversation. 

—

The front door opens slowly, the person walking in being extra cautious. You’re curled up on you and Bucky’s shared bed, sobbing into your pillow. 

As you’re crying, you hear footsteps walk through the bedroom door and stop at the foot of the bed.

“Oh, doll,” Bucky says, immediately getting into the bed and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “Is this because of our session?”

Turning around in his arms, you look up at him. “Is this the end?” 

He uses his free arm to tuck your hair behind your ear. “The end of what?” 

“Us,” you croak out, voice hoarse from crying so much. 

Bucky’s eyes tear up at your question, his heart breaking into two. “Why would you ever think that, doll?” 

Closing your eyes for a second, you feel Bucky’s arms tighten around you. When you reopen them, Bucky is sobbing, his body shaking with each cry. 

Wrapping your arms around him, you slide closer until you’re pressed up against him. 

“I don’t want us to end. But, I feel like I’ll never fully know you because you won’t let me in all the way,” you cry into his chest, tears staining his shirt. 

He is quiet for a few moments, seemingly thinking to himself. “I thought I was doing a good thing. Protecting you from the evils of the world.” 

Tears slowing down, you collect yourself before moving back. “And, I get that. I really do. But, your life revolves around those evils. Whether you want it to or not. You are one of the reasons this world is safe and I’ll never be completely a part of your life until you introduce me to that side of you.” 

Gripping your chin, Bucky leans in and kisses you deeply. You sigh into the kiss and his tongue slips into your mouth. 

Distracted by the way his lips feel on yours, you slide your hands down his chest and grab the belt of his pants, yanking him closer to you. 

Bucky gives you one last kiss before pulling away and placing his forehead against yours. “You’re right,” he says, breathing heavily. “It’s not fair to you and I’m sorry, doll. If it makes you feel any better, Sam always said I’m kind of an idiot when it comes to relationships.”

“Sam may have been onto something,” you joke, a small grin plastered on your face. 

“Oh, that’s how you want to play?” Bucky asks, a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

Suddenly, you’re on your back, arms pinned above your head as Bucky lays on top of you. “Come with me to the compound tomorrow.” 

“Seriously?” you ask, shocked that he wants you to go. 

“Yes. It’s time you meet everyone… I’m just sorry it took this long. They’ve been asking about you too.”

Shrieking in excitement, you pull Bucky’s head down, connecting your lips once more. “Thank you, Buck. I know this is a hard step for you,” you whisper against his mouth before biting down on his lower lip. “I’m so grateful you’re sharing this part of you with me.”

Bucky growls, the sound going straight to your core. “Anything for you, doll.” He places his mouth next to your ear, slightly biting down on your earlobe. “Today though, you’re all mine.” 

As he leans back to look down at you, you watch as his blue eyes darken with desire and you groan. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

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