I feel like most of us have been in a relationship like this. At first things are great (But let’s be honest – that’s how it always is) and they could stay great because you were lucky enough to have found “The One” or things start to take a turn for the worst. For many reasons this has happened
to me, but this breakup…was the one that actually broke me. First off let me start by saying that this is not a “Thank You” note. Because you don’t deserve a thank you. Right now this is still a fresh wound and the only thing I can do right now is act like you are scum or that I hate you just to keep myself from texting or calling you. Because if I didn’t tell myself these things about you I would change my mind and be right back where I was, when you let me feel like I was
worthless and unimportant. I can’t go back to that. What I will say is that I miss you. I miss your face, hair,smell, your presence in general. The thing is though, that even though I ended it, I’m missing the person you were, not the person you are now. When we first started hanging out (Can’t say dating because you didn’t want to put a label on it because you had “trust” issues) you were amazing. I could see it in your eyes that you were happy. Which in turn made me even happier.
The day finally came when you did ask me to be your girlfriend because I did everything I could to prove to you that I would never dream of hurting you. I felt the same about you. We were not “Facebook official” because you didn’t want it to be. I should have seen that as a red flag. Who was it that you didn’t want to know? (I would find out later) Yet things were going great until it was a couple months before that one year mark. You had just turned 21 and I knew that it was going to be a change. You were going out to bars with your friends all the time. I was 21 but I was never invited. When you were not out with your friends you were to busy to come see me.
Then there was the night that you were on your phone and I saw your text messages. I saw the messages you had from that girl. The one you were flirting and skyping with. The one you were talking bad about me to. I tried to talk to you about it, but you refused. I walked out because I was so angry, but you didn’t chase me nor ask me to stay. That was the night that you told me you loved me (in a text) because you had messed up. I forgave you and you did your best to gain my trust back. You did.
One night you asked if you could move in with me at some point, I said yes (What could happen?). A couple days later I asked if that was still what you wanted and you said “no” without hesitation. It was a reflection of our relationship and how you acted. One day you loved me and wanted to be around me, the next day you didn’t love me and would not talk to me. It was a roller coaster.
It got to the point were you were “busy” every night. I never saw you. You were “busy” everyday. I never got to talk to you. I slowly started to realize that I deserved better and I think you knew it. I had told you before how I was feeling, yet you did nothing about it but say “that’s just how I am” I knew that was not true because I had seen you give your best, and I had seen your half best. Now I was getting none of you. I you had loved me you never should have let me continue to feel unwanted, worthless, unimportant, etc.
My question is why? why did you stop putting in the effort? when did you stop? You didn’t want the break up, you actually seemed upset for a change. Even then though I didn’t hear or see anything from you that made me think things would change.
So I walked away, but please know that it wasn’t easy for me. I love you and I always will, but I need to do whats good for me and wondering every night what I did wrong, why your ignoring me, why I’m not enough isn’t good for me. Maybe this break up will be good for you to.
I miss you and us,who you used to be and how we were.
Ladies, Please know that you are always enough, some guys just don’t know how to handle all we have to offer. You deserve someone who makes the time for you. You deserve someone who will send you that first text after he wakes up. You deserve someone who brings you flowers once in a while just because he was thinking about you. You deserve someone that doesn’t call you clingy or childish simply because you want to see him and be with him every so often. You deserve someone better than a guy that won’t listen to you when your hurting because of something he did. You deserve someone better than a guy that claims he’s been “busy” all day, too busy that he just couldn’t pick up his phone for 10 seconds to let you know that everything is okay and that he loves you. He’s still there.
You deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them.
You deserve better.